Love's Fate (Love Trilogy #1) Read online

  “I don’t know. Why not?” I tried to sound nonchalant, but that same question had been in the back of my mind for a while now. Leave it to Claire to bring it to the surface.

  “Come home Michael.” Claire pleaded

  “Why? What is there for me here?” I questioned.

  “What is there for you there?” she countered.

  I didn’t have an answer for that. I knew she was right. But how could I tell her that I stayed because I had no idea what to do next. I had no direction. No plans, no dreams, no future. I didn’t want to dump all my pain on her, especially on her wedding day. I was relieved when Charlie came over to steal her back and effectively end our conversation.

  Then the music came to an end as they brought out the wedding cake and all the guests crowded around to admire it. It was a very extraordinary cake. I had never seen any quite like it. While Charlie and Claire cut the cake I stood a few feet away talking with one of my old classmates. Elle danced up to my side wrapping her arms around my waist. I put my arm around her and enjoyed the impressed expression on the face of the guy I was talking to.

  She was a very attractive woman, if only he knew how emotionless she could be. She was the seductive Elle right now. She kissed my neck and ran her fingers through my hair. I laughed to myself thinking the time change must have affected her mood swings. She wasn’t usually like this during daylight hours.

  After the cake had been cut and the reception was drawing to a close I decided it was time to make my exit. I looked around the room trying to find Charlie and Claire so that I could wish them well one more time before I left. When I found them they were talking to a woman over by the kitchen.

  I recognized her instantly. My heart began racing. I forgot how to breathe. Could it really be her? How long had it been since I’d seen her that first night in the coffee shop? Was it possible that Fate would be so kind as to cross our paths again?

  I watched her talking with Claire and it occurred to me that her expression looked pained. I wondered what was making her look so sad. Instinctively I wanted to comfort her. But first I had to meet her. I wouldn’t miss my chance this time. I pulled away from Elle’s embrace and started walking across the room. The room was crowded, but I pushed through it as quickly as I could.

  I watched as she shook hands with Charlie and Claire and then quickly made her escape. I panicked as I tried to move faster. I had to catch her. What would I say? Would she remember me? I had to find out.

  By the time I reached the place she had been, she was already gone. I ran out the door after her, searching frantically now. Where had she gone? I looked everywhere, but saw no sign of her. This couldn’t be possible! How could this be happening again?

  I ran through the parking lot, circling back around the building. How could she have left so fast? She had to have been running! But what was she running from? I didn’t want to give up my search, but I realized I had no clue as to the direction she had gone.

  Slowly I walked back inside and met the confused faces of Charlie and Claire. They had seen me run from the building, and it was obvious they were waiting for some sort of explanation. I didn’t know how to explain.

  “You okay?” Charlie asked

  “Who was that woman you were talking to?” I asked, ignoring his question

  “I think her name was Katherine” Claire offered. “She works for the catering service, she made the cake.” She explained.

  “Katherine” I repeated.

  For so long I had wondered what her name was. Now I knew. But did it matter? Would I ever see her again? Yes. I told myself. I had to.

  Now that I knew where she worked I could find her. Maybe I could throw some kind of party and hire them. I wondered what reason I could possibly come up with for having a catered party.

  Some part of my brain registered the fact that both Claire and Charlie were speaking to me, but I didn’t care. I turned and walked away leaving them with bewildered expressions. I would have to explain later, once I had time to come up with a reasonable excuse. I couldn’t exactly tell them that I was in love with the woman who had made their wedding cake, even though I’d never met her. They would think I was crazy. I felt crazy.

  But first things first, I thought as I looked back at Elle. It was time to send her home. I would not be going back with her.

  Chapter 9: Escape

  After the first time I’d seen Michael I had spent months hoping that I would see him around every corner. Now I feared the same thing. I feared the pain that would come if I saw him again. It was just unbearable. I had to leave. I couldn’t stay a minute longer.

  Something obviously drew Michael to this area. I had seen him here twice now, albeit a year apart. I knew it was completely irrational, but all I could think of was escape. I only had a few weeks left until graduation. I would have been leaving soon anyway. Three short years and I had finished college.

  I made arrangements to take my finals early. I would still receive my degree. I just wouldn’t have a graduation ceremony. I didn’t care.

  I just couldn’t risk seeing Michael again. I could barely stand thinking his name, although I secretly longed to hear it spoken from his own voice. But that would never be. I was leaving to make sure of that. I just couldn’t bear the heartbreak of seeing him again. I wasn’t even sure why I felt that way exactly, but I knew I would have time to sort my feelings out later. The only thing I was sure of was that I needed to leave.

  I was already enrolled to start at the Art Institute in the fall. Amy was going to spend the summer traveling with her parents as usual and we had planned to wait until the fall to move into the apartment we’d found together. I got lucky that it was vacant early. Within a week I had moved. I never went back to work for the catering company. I just ran. I ran from every place where I had seen him.

  It was strange living alone at first, but it was nice having everything so new. Nothing was familiar. Nothing held a memory, or expectation. I enjoyed my solitude. I needed it.

  I found a job at a nice little restaurant in walking distance from my apartment. When I wasn’t at the restaurant I was at the beach. I had found a perfect spot where I could be alone with my thoughts. It was just a short hike to the edge of a cliff. I’m not sure how I found it, the path that led to the cliff was completely overgrown. I was just wandering hopelessly one day and suddenly I felt compelled to explore and follow a barely visible path that caught my eye.

  Something drew me there, as if I knew where I was going even though I’d never been there before. When I emerged out onto the cliff I was overwhelmed with a feeling of coming home. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt good when I was there so I went there as often as I could. From that spot I could see miles of coastline and open-ocean. I felt free and happy. My favorite time of day was sunset.

  I loved watching the ocean catch fire with reds and golds as the sun seemed to sink right into it. Some nights I would stay long after dark until I couldn’t tell where the stars ended and the ocean began. It was peaceful there.

  I spent hours on that cliff trying to make sense of the feelings I had for a stranger. Because, if I was being honest with myself, that’s really all he was. We had never met. Never spoke. I’d only seen him twice. Or was it three times? Does a dream count?

  The strange familiarity of his eyes and the weird connection they had to my recurring nightmare left me more confused than ever. What did it mean? Was it just some weird trick of my subconscious? Why couldn’t I stop thinking of him? Why did seeing him affect me so strongly?

  That is how I spent my summer. Staring at the ocean. Trying to understand why he felt so connected to my life. Why I was so emotionally connected to him. It wasn’t like me to feel strong emotions for people I did know, let alone someone I didn’t.

  Never the less, the thought of him put butterflies in my stomach and the possibility that he might be married made me want to cry. I couldn’t explain it, but that first night when our eyes met it felt like our souls had connec
ted. Something deep inside me recognized him, even if my conscious mind didn’t. For some reason I couldn’t explain I felt absolutely sure that he was the one I was meant to be with and at the same time complete and utter despair at the realization that it would never happen. None of it made any sense.

  Then after a long summer of pining, mourning and pondering I finally decided it didn’t matter. I needed to stop thinking about him. I wouldn’t allow myself to think about him, at least not while I was awake. Dreams were safely out of my control. But my waking hours would be devoted to diligently not thinking about him.

  I was so excited the day Amy finally came home. I decided to invite some friends over to surprise her. I figured it would be a perfect way to end my summer of solitude and welcome her into our apartment. I invited Jared and Dan over and a couple of girls from the catering company we used to work for. I was looking forward to seeing my friends again, especially Amy.

  “Oh, Katherine!” Amy exclaimed throwing her arms around me before she was even through the door. “I missed you so much!”

  “I missed you too.” I said hugging her as the truth of those words sank through me.

  “You haven’t done anything with the apartment!” she exclaimed as she looked around at our apartment taking in the bare walls and sparse furniture.

  “Just waiting for you.” I smiled at her disapproving smirk.

  The knowledge that she got to do the primary decorating of our new apartment instantly brightened her expression.

  “I can’t wait to show you everything I got this summer!” she said reaching for the extra suitcase that she hadn’t had when she left.

  I laughed again. It was so nice to have her energy back around me. I wasn’t sure if I’d laughed all summer.

  “We’ve got some company coming over soon.” I told her. “You’ve got enough time to shower and change. We’ll have to have show-and-tell later.”

  “Who’s coming over?” she asked excitedly.

  “Just a few friends. Samantha and Christy, I think Christy might be bringing her boyfriend, plus Jared….” I paused watching the tension grow on her face “and Dan of course.”

  Her face immediately lit into a huge smile.

  “Dan’s on his way over? Right now? Which one is my room?” She asked eyeing the two doors along the far wall. I pointed to the door on the left and she ran for the bedroom pulling her new suitcase with her.

  While she changed, I went to the kitchen to start dinner. I had been marinating a pork tenderloin all day and so I slipped it into the oven while I made the au gratin potatoes and sautéed green beans to go with it. I was excited about my first dinner party. I had learned a lot working at the restaurant over the summer and I was ready to show off my new skills.

  Our friends started arriving just as I was finishing up in the kitchen. Christy was the first to arrive with her boyfriend Kevin. Christy had been a server at the catering company that Amy and I used to work for. I had never met Kevin before.

  “Sam couldn’t make it” Christy explained as she and Kevin came inside “She said to tell you she was sorry.”

  “That’s ok.” I smiled “More food for us.”

  “It smells fantastic” she commented sniffing the air and looking toward the kitchen

  “Oh, this is Kevin.” she said realizing she hadn’t introduced him yet.

  “Nice to meet you” he said shyly. I could tell he wasn’t thrilled that she had brought him along. He seemed uncomfortable.

  “You too,” I replied. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  This seemed to embarrass him even more. He blushed as he looked over at Christy and she looked embarrassed too. I felt a little awkward. I wasn’t sure what else to say. I really didn’t know Christy that well, she and Amy were friends, but I’d only known her from work.

  “Still catering?” I asked Christy, searching for a topic.

  “Yeah, same old same old. Oh, by the way, some guy called looking for you.”

  “What was his name?” I asked absently.

  “I don’t know. He didn’t say. Just asked if you worked there. I told him you quit and he asked if I knew where to find you. I thought it was kind of creepy so I lied and said I didn’t. Thought he might be some weird stalker who saw you at an event or something.” She shrugged as she finished recounting her story.

  Michael’s face flashed in my mind. But I knew that wasn’t possible. Why would he be looking for me? It was just wishful thinking. He probably hadn’t given me a second thought since that first night in the coffee shop. Besides, he didn’t know I worked for that catering company, and I was sure he hadn’t seen me at the wedding. He was too busy with her. I cringed as I remembered the image of them standing together wrapped in each other’s arms. Then I pushed the image of him out of my mind. That was exactly the type of breach I couldn’t allow. I would not think of him.

  “That’s weird.” Was the only reply I could think of “I’m going to go check on dinner” I lied, “Please have a seat”

  I gestured to the couch as I escaped into the kitchen to check on the food that was already finished. Christy and Kevin sat down and began talking quietly.

  Amy came out of her room a few minutes later and looked absolutely amazing in her new clothes. She hugged Christy and I was grateful when they started talking about her traveling adventures over the summer and the conversation began to flow more comfortably. Kevin still looked uncomfortable, though. I thought maybe it was because he was the only guy here.

  “Dan and Jared should be here soon.” I said, hoping that might relax him a little “As soon as they get here we can start dinner”

  Kevin did look a little relieved when I mentioned the guys coming over and it wasn’t long before they knocked on the door. Amy jumped up and ran to answer it.

  “Hey Babe” Dan smiled at her and she threw herself into his arms.

  They stood in the doorway kissing for a few minutes until Jared cleared his throat.

  “Think we can move inside the apartment?” Jared asked laughing.

  “Sorry” Amy apologized releasing her hold on Dan and letting them inside.

  Dan wrapped his arm around her as they walked into our apartment. Jared followed them inside and looked at me almost expectantly. I felt nervous all of a sudden. Did he expect that same kind of greeting from me? I hadn’t seen Jared all summer, he had called a few times but I had been able to make excuses about work to avoid him.

  We hadn’t really said goodbye when I moved. Just a casual “see you later”. I wondered if he thought we were still some kind of couple. Not that we’d been much of one before. I had always just thought of him as a friend, but I knew he had wanted more.

  “Hey” I said walking over to him smiling nervously.

  He leaned in like he was going to kiss me, but I turned my face to the side as I hugged him. I could feel his shoulders slump slightly from the disappointment.

  “I missed you.” He whispered into my ear.

  “Um, yeah, it has been a while hasn’t it.” I pulled away from the intimate embrace and tried to smile casually.

  I didn’t want to be mean, but I didn’t want to lead him on either. I hadn’t missed him, at least not any more than I had missed Dan. I actually had only really missed Amy. I looked for her now and found her and Dan making out in the corner.

  Christy and Kevin were sitting silently on the couch, both looking a little uncomfortable now. Jared was looking dejected, waiting for some response from me that I couldn’t give.

  “Who’s hungry?” I asked trying to shift everyone’s attention.

  It worked and everyone eagerly followed me to the dining room. We ate and shared stories about how we’d spent our summers. I didn’t really have much to tell about mine, but Amy had a million stories to make up for it. Jared told us about how he was working for his father now, and how he planned to be a junior partner by next year. When he spoke he looked only at me.

  “I think we’re going to take off.” Christy said
as soon as we’d finished eating.

  “But we haven’t had dessert yet” I protested, “That’s the best part!”

  She looked nervously over at Kevin, who still didn’t look completely relaxed and I understood.

  “I’ve got a really early morning” she started to explain.

  “Ok, maybe next time” I told her smiling.

  She seemed relieved and after a quick goodbye with Amy she and Kevin left.

  “What’s for dessert?” Dan asked as soon as they were out the door.

  “Saved the best for last!” I winked as I went into the kitchen to bring out the chocolate soufflés.

  Everyone raved over how fantastic they were and it felt so nice to have my friends around me again. Just like it used to be.

  However, as soon as we finished with dessert Amy offered to give Dan a “grand tour” of the apartment that started and ended with her bedroom, leaving Jared and me alone.

  Jared helped me clear the table and wash the dishes. We worked quietly side by side in the kitchen. The casual atmosphere had lifted and I felt nervous again.

  “I really meant it when I said I missed you” he finally broke the silence.

  I wished he hadn’t, I wasn’t sure how to respond. I decided it was time for the awkward conversation I’d been avoiding.

  “Jared” I started, but he interrupted me

  “There’s something I have to tell you, and I need to just say it.” He took a deep breath and then looked at me with determination.

  “I love you Katherine.” He finally blurted out.

  I just stared at him dumbfounded.

  “I’ve been thinking about you all summer and it made me realize how much I care about you” he continued “I know it’s not as easy for you, but I can be patient. I’ll give you all the time you need. Just give me a chance.”

  He looked at me pleadingly and I knew it was my turn to speak.

  “I don’t know, Jared. I’m not really sure if I want to be with anybody right now”

  It was the best excuse I could come up with. I didn’t know how to tell him that I didn’t love him the way he wanted me to. That I had tried before and I knew it just wasn’t there. I was trying to find the best way to explain that to him, but before I could say anything else he was kissing me.